Kailey Abigail

To the left you can see sweet little feet and our baby girl's first profile shot. After deliberation and prayer we have decided to name this little girl Kailey Abigail. We actually chose this name the very first time we were pregnant in February 2003 and for several reasons still feel strongly that it is our name for our first girl. Besides loving the name, it goes perfectly with the precious way the Lord spoke to us before her conception.

John and I decided to have a day of prayer and fasting as we approached the week our baby that we miscarried last summer would have been due in February. It was also the week that we found out that we were pregnant with my first pregnancy in 2003 (also a miscarriage) and the week that I found out we weren't pregnant again for another month. Do you think this all added up to a little bit of emotion? I had three precious friends specifically praying for me that week and as each one called or checked on me I was able to give the miraculous report that God was wrapping me in His love to the point that I felt physically protected from all of the overwhelming emotion I had been expecting.

On our day dedicated to prayers seeking God in this area of our lives, John was at work and I was at home. I put Little John down for his nap and felt God prompting me to pull out a story I had recently been convicted by in a Bible study I was going through at church. So I got out my Bible, my Bible dictionary, my concordance and got ready to dig deep into the Word. As I began reading through 2 Chronicles 20 , I went very slowly with the Lord showing me revelation after revelation in each and every verse. It would take a short book to write it all down (and I have written it because I don't ever want to forget), but basically there were a few basic truths that hit me hard that day. One was the reminder that my battle was not against the Lord but my battle against the Enemy belonged to the Lord. "This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's.'" Then, that I could rest in praise of the Lord and He would show me and everyone else His strength and power. "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you." And lastly, that the reward I would receive from my giving the battle into the Lord's hands would be much more than I asked or imagined. "So Jehoshaphat and his men went to carry off their plunder, and they found among them a great amount of equipment and clothing and also articles of value—more than they could take away. There was so much plunder that it took three days to collect it." As I read through that last part I was reminded of the name Kailey that we had talked about naming a little girl because it means "crown." She is our priceless "valuable" or "precious jewelry," as one version puts it. John came home that night and we cried and shared together as he told me the things God had shown him - especially the story of Isaac praying over Rebekah that she would conceive. John prayed the most precious prayer over me that night as he asked the Lord that this week that had begun our journey through these three miscarriages would now be the week that ended it - that we would conceive and that the child would be healthy and strong as God delivered us to raise a Godly inheritance for Him. Exactly four weeks later we discovered that our prayer had been answered "yes" as it was prayed and that this was the first chapter in Kailey's story. Her middle name Abigail comes as we experience the "joy of the Father" that He has given us through this faith walk with Him. So, sweetheart, I hope you love your name as much as we do and you can know that it is already a name coming before our Father's throne many times a day as we seek Him on your behalf. We love you, baby Kailey Abigail!

26

Today is my 26th birthday. I have been thinking all morning of how blessed I am and what a wonderful life I live. I am surrounded by the love of my Lord, family, and friends, and I wouldn't change a thing. I think the words that best describe where I am as this year comes to a close would be "joy" and "peace." Every day my life is full of those little moments that fill my heart until it could burst. Nothing huge, nothing earth-shattering, just beautiful life that God has created and given. There is also a great peace in our family right now as we feel God's call on us and do our prayerful best, in His strength, to follow His leading. He has so specifically given us a vision for our family that becomes clearer each year, and it has been sometimes very difficult, but always wonderful, as we walk this path. A perfect example of this would be that last year on my birthday I was recovering from my third miscarriage wondering why God was allowing that particular trial yet again in our lives. This year I am expecting our precious baby daughter and looking back, knowing the things about Himself that the Lord has shown me and understanding a little better how He wants me to view my roller coaster ride of motherhood. I will always love and miss my babies and know that He is caring for them perfectly until I finally get my turn to see and hold them. Meanwhile I do my very best for the ones I have been given here and keep my perspective eternal. This is all for a little while and then there is forever. Thank you, Jesus.
Here are a few of the little, everyday things that are my favorite life moments on this birthday:

• Hearing my husband pray over Little John, our baby girl, and me each night
• Listening to Little John say his first Scripture verse in his little voice as he goes to sleep, "The Lord is my Shepherd"
• Feeling my baby girl kicking and moving as she grows
• Being wrapped in my husband's big hug
• Watching my excitement reflected on my son's face when his daddy walks in the door each evening or gets to stay on weekend mornings
• Living close to John's family and mine so that they can be a part of all the little moments as our children grow and watching Little John learn to dearly love the most important people in my life
• Having a constant flow of people in and out of our home as we strive for it to become a place where Jesus' heart for others is felt

This is my life and I love it.

It's a Girl!

I'm in total shock. I was so sure that my "mommy instinct" was telling me it was a boy. So much for gut feelings! We are completely thrilled and so grateful for the news that she looks very healthy and active. Looking at her bouncing around on the sonogram confirmed the jumping bean action I feel whenever I get still. She never stopped for a second! What a blessing from God to all of us.
Little John was very quiet and still while watching the sonogram and then when we told him he was having a baby sister he clapped. He kept hugging the sonogram pictures and saying "so cute" over and over! Unbelievably precious. What a wonderful gift he will be to our little girl. Having an older brother I am so thrilled for her to have his protection, advice, and friendship. I remember one of the things that excited me about having John first was that all of my other children would have at least one big brother. My dad pointed out that I should know about raising second-born girls, which is true, but at the moment my mind is still whirling with the unknowns. Just when I was getting used to the boy thing! Of course I know that each child is completely different whether they are the same or different genders. I am so grateful to have the guidance of their Heavenly Father who knows them inside and out from the moment of their conception. I am already praying for His revelations of the best ways to care for this precious heart that belongs to Him.
Praise the Lord for this healthy baby and thanks to all of you for your continued prayers for her and for me. I need to go look at pink things now. Time to get started. : )

"Goodbye Pacifier"

Well, in typical mommy exaggeration, my boy is on his way to becoming a man because his pacifier is officially gone for good. Why is it so hard to do these seemingly insignificant things? Because they are small steps on the road to his independence. This is exactly what I want and yet the very thing I would love to avoid. We had a rough first day although he never exactly asked for it, but the second and third days have been better. The most difficult time for me was about 6:00 Sunday morning when I heard him in his room crying, "my pa" (that's his name for it). It lasted all of 30 seconds and seemed like an eternity. It can be so hard to do the things that I know are best for him when they make him sad. I know this is a very small thing in comparison to the big ones I will one day have to watch, so I am grateful God gives me these things in baby steps. This is also another reminder of all the ways that God has to watch me "suffer" for my growth when it must hurt His heart. I am so glad that He does not always answer my cries for "my pa" which is whatever I want to use besides Him to soothe, comfort, or fill me. I am forever grateful for His tough love that continues to push and pull me back towards the only true answers and peace in His Presence and His timing. Lord, please give me the strength to love my son the way that You love him and me!

Here are a few of my favorite pacifier pictures "in memoriam:"

Father's Day

Every year at this time I am constantly reminded of the word "father." It is obviously a wonderful time when we can focus on someone very special. Something else that always happens on Father's Day each year is that our church's week of Royal Family Kids Camp begins. RFKC is a ministry to abused and neglected children giving them an opportunity to experience God's love through the people who volunteer their time to give those kids an amazing week. You can find more information at http://www.rfkc.org/. Many of the precious girls and boys who attend that camp and I have completely different gut reactions to the word "father." I have always prayed during those weeks at camp that it would be my chance to translate that word to them in a new way and possibly to introduce them to a new Father.

For me it is a warm, fuzzy word, a safe, secure person, an unconditionally loving heart that partially belongs to me. Because of that it is quite simple for me to translate those attributes into God my Father. One of my favorite descriptions or attributes of God is that He chooses to be personally involved in my life as Father. I can certainly see why this has been made easy for me to believe. My heavenly Father provides what I need - I experienced the faithful provision of a hardworking father; my heavenly Father watches over me - my father came home each night and we never wondered where he was or when he was coming back; my heavenly Father disciplines and allows things to help me grow - my father spanked and reproved for my safety and development into a godly woman; my heavenly Father loves me unconditionally - of course, that's what fathers do. Or is it always? What does that word bring to mind for the little boy whose father set him on fire or the fragile sweetheart who shakily asked me if any men would be sleeping in our dorm room at camp? No, as you hear the stories of these tiny lives touched by men who are everything opposite of what is good and gentle, the only response is to get on your face and ask God "why?" I understand sin and a depraved world but why did I receive the life-altering blessing of a great father? I will never know, but I have promised God, myself and those who did not have that blessing this: I will never for one day take it for granted.

When it is easy for me to picture God as my father, when I experience a healthy relationship with men and particularly my husband, when I still go for advice to the man who has always pointed me toward God, I will remember what I have been given and live my life in gratitude. My dad will have my love, respect and time, my children's wonderful father will have my respect and my guidance and example in teaching his children to be grateful for what they have in him, my father-in-law will have my undying gratitude that his son has watched and learned from him the kind of father to be. My grandfathers, uncles, family, friends, men at church, and now my brother and brother-in-law should all know that there is nothing more valuable an irreplaceable than the role they play in the lives of their children, and that I am so grateful for their dedication to God and to their families. So my thanks and a heart full of love to Dad, Da, Papa, Martin, and John - my father, grandfathers, father-in-law, and the amazing father of my children. You are amazing men, and I thank God for you!

Here are these great dads/grandfathers:

Little John's wonderful dad

My great dad, otherwise known as Grandpa

John's fix-it master dad, otherwise known as Poppie

My Da

My Papa

John's Grandy who went to be with Jesus last year - we miss him!

"Mommy, I help."

If I've heard those words once over the last few weeks, I've heard them a hundred times. "I help" with the computer, the dishes, the cleaning, the dog, the laundry, etc. Although it slows the job down considerably and often completely removes all semblance of efficiency, it is my precious opportunity to give Little John the most valuable education. You see, I believe that the best and most lasting learning comes from life. We remember the things we have done and experienced far more than we do empty facts. Therefore it is my responsibility as a mom to teach as we go about our daily lives. My son is learning the little daily chores that make up so much of what we do during a week. Eventually, I want John to learn to read from the Bible during family devotions, to write his name on a birthday card for a loved one, to do math while figuring change at the grocery store, to learn the dates that his great-grandfather fought for our country during World War II. These are the things that will begin to shape and mold his perspective on learning. Does his curiosity drive him to know more about this world God made and how to live in it? Does he desire to cultivate each gift he has been given for eternal purposes? Or will I stifle his God-given drive by waiting for the perfect situation instead of learning as we go. And more importantly, will I get caught up in his learning the little things, the knowledge, instead of being focused on what he is becoming? It's not the chores and facts, it's the diligence and patience, responsibility and honesty that are making him Christlike. If his goal is to become more like the Lord, he will be able to do anything and learn anything God calls him to do or learn.

So, I will refocus on my job as a mom. I am to redeem moments, seek out opportunities, cheer on growth, and mostly point - away from myself and away from the trivial trappings of this world - to the only thing that matters. The Author of Life Himself, the Giver of knowledge, the Redeemer of moments. It sounds like this might be a great opportunity for me to become more like Him as well. Then, by the grace of God, my son will be ready, not for success, but to change his, "Mommy, I help" to "My Lord, I'll help."

My Family

Here we are on a recent vacation to Destin, Florida. We went with three other families and had a blast! There were five kids under three, two pregnant ladies, and, honestly, I couldn't believe how calm it was most of the time. The kids did great and the parents enjoyed having someone else around who was also juggling a toddler!

These are my two favorite people in all the world. My boys, or my men, or my Johns, whichever name I use at the present moment. I can't describe how much joy it brings me to have another, smaller version of my husband around all the time! It makes the hours shorter while the bigger version has to be at work. I think I'm ready for my husband to retire and be at home all the time. : )

And this is a great example of why I think everyone should have a toddler in their house. Just when you are the most exhausted, they make you laugh until your sides hurt doing the silliest or most adorable thing. This is Little John's "funny face" which he will usually do on command. He is very interested in the art of being funny right now. This is why laughing at something you do not want him to repeat is dangerous and should never be done. (Still happens occasionally, though!)

Soon I will also have the first picture of our next little one because our first sonogram will be on July 6th! Happy (almost) Birthday to me! We can't wait to see our first glimpse of what is to come, knowing that every child is a good and perfect gift from our Father in Heaven.

Beginnings

Well, after reading my friends' blogs for a while now, I have finally decided to contribute my random thoughts to cyberspace. I love keeping up with others this way so hopefully there are a few who will enjoy my constant desire to talk about my family. Hey, these words need to get said somewhere! Although pretty much anyone who reads this knows me, here is who I am for those who don't.

The most important thing to know about me is that I am a daughter. A daughter to the Father of every girl's dreams who sustains me through all of life's mountains and valleys with his love that defies all description. He is my Love, my Life, and my Motivation. He is my Lord God and Redeemer and there is nothing in life for which I am more grateful than the opportunity to walk through this world with Him from the first moments of my time here to the last when I am ushered into a new life with Him.

I am also a wife and mother. These two words are things I dreamed of being all my life and now I am living that dream every day with my husband, son, and baby on the way. My husband is the only man I have ever loved. John is my best friend, partner in insanity, faithful provider, and wonderful father. Let me put it this way - he couldn't find ESPN the other day on the TV but has watched Pride and Prejudice with me multiple times. He can do this while still being a powerhouse on the softball field and the manliest man I've ever known. He's pretty much just dreamy (to use an old expression)! He treats me like a queen every day and I can't believe I have had the privilege of being married to him for almost five years. I am so spoiled.

My two-year-old son is unbelievable. He is precious, active, lovable, smart, adorable, exciting, and a sponge of constant learning. He is God's incredible gift to us that comes with a huge sense of responsibility to be an arrow pointing him straight back to God and His path for Little John's life. My prayer is that he will never spend a day outside of God's will and that he will always feel the unconditional love of God and his parents. What a joy!

Well, I've rambled long enough and will add more later. Looking forward to keeping you updated!